This
illness is the craziest thing I have ever been through. Each day, I wonder, “How can I feel so good
when I am this ill?” When I feel like
this I generally contact my doctor’s office at Moore’s Cancer Center. They always reply promptly with reassurance
and words to soothe. I am told
regularly to continue with what I am already doing: eat healthy, whole food,
get lots of rest and to avoid people who are sick (this is due to my low white
blood cell count). I have not had a cold
in years, knock on wood. The staff at
the Bone Marrow Transplant office are the most amazing team of people. Now, do not worry, I am not getting a
BMT. I just find myself
obsessing about them sometimes. Apparently,
there are many different kinds of transplants used in the fight against these
disorders of the blood and lymphatic systems.
Another
crazy thing … this week has been amazing but I have found myself in tears
everyday except for today. (Which hey,
is not over yet, so there is still time :)
Today, we celebrated my sweet nephew’s 5th Birthday, so there was lots
of laughter and cake. Who can cry when
there is cake? A lot of cake!
I
recently visited a support group page on FB.
It is designed for people battling Lymphoma as well as for Survivors,
Caregivers, Friends and Family of patients.
I have found so much encouragement in reading the stories of survivors
who have battled this illness. I noticed
though when reading through, that those who are sharing seem to know
specifically which strain of the over 70+ kinds of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (NHL), they have. I realized I had some
research to do. And here, I thought I
had been a good advocate for myself!
Now,
here is where it gets interesting (goes left). I
love the internet but sometimes too much available information can be a bad
thing. I started to do some research to
self-diagnose, BAD IDEA! I determined (with
my extensive medical background, NOT)
that I had a rare strain of NHL that I had not never heard of
before. This specific strain has a
survival rate of only 7-20 years. All of
a sudden, this was real. I broke down as
I realized that I have something living inside of me that can significantly
shorten my life. I cried for
hours. It was quite the pity party, I am
sure you can imagine.
A list
of everything I’d like to accomplish before I leave this magnificent earth ran
through my mind and my broken heart. I
wondered if I could find love … who would possibly want a sick girl? Shortly, after I was diagnosed my
ex-boyfriend broke-up with me. I am
convinced that this was in a large part due to his fear. I thought, now I would be alone for the few
remaining years of my life. I told you
it was a grand party of self-pity!
BTW, I don't have the kind of Lymphoma, I was reading about.
For
one thing, I am struggling with anger. I
am angry about a few things. Right now
it is mostly about the chicken $#%+ way my ex chose to end things with me. I realized that he is not someone who would
be strong enough for me during my journey.
Now I've chosen to believe he never loved me.
I am sure I will let go of this anger at some point but right now I am
mad!
On
Thursday after letting go of some of my anger, I flipped the script. After I finished training two of my inspiring
clients, I decided that I would stay and do my own workout. The gym really is therapy for me. I am thankful that I have this amazing place
to do my own training. On Friday, after
finishing with clients I hit the weights again!
Feeling stronger and more optimistic I headed home. On my ride home I discovered the most
talented nail technician! Is it wrong
that I do not want to share this information?
I just really do not want her to get too booked to see me. For now I will say thank you Jesus! You will have to stay tuned if you want to
learn who this talent is! I know I cannot
possibly hold such a secret for too long!
After all I do believe that as women we really do need to support one
another in success!
The
Holidays are here and there is so much to be thankful for! I do not go back to my Oncologist until
December. I will do my best to keep my
spirits lifted. In January I have an
appointment at the Cancer Center again. I
am convinced that they are as
dumbfounded as me about how I can be such a vision of strength and health even
though I have been diagnosed with this
illness. I’m pretty sure they will likely want to test my Super-Hero Blood as
part of some clinical trial! OK, maybe
this isn’t the case, but I do enjoy my Super-Hero status very much. Hey, this is MY STORY!